A few days ago, my SA21 professor asked our class about what event would be taking place on this very day. Avoiding the obvious, I said it was Jose Rizal’s 150th birthday. He then goes on to say that there was probably a reason why I had said that since we would be celebrating Fathers’ Day too and he said that, judging by what I said, I probably wasn’t that close to my dad. Of course, I nervously laughed it off at that time because it was obviously too much for me to handle at 7:30 in the morning. And then our prof goes on to say, ”What’s so scary about sociology and anthropology is constantly being exposed to the truth we may not want to hear.” He was right, I probably laughed off what he had said earlier because it wasn’t exactly what I wanted to hear at that time.
Okay, so I don’t exactly enjoy talking about my feelings, but I’ll make an exception for today. I’ve decided that I wouldn’t be a heartless bitch ranting about how much of an asshole her dad is today, because after all, it is Fathers’ Day. Whether I admit it or not, we do share the same blood (and maybe a few similar traits) and he still is my dad. So instead, I’m going to be brave and thank him today, despite the tremendous amount of pain I had to go through as a child. I really do owe him this, so here goes:
I’m thankful I still got to know him, even just for a few years. While other kids have no idea who their dads are, at least I slightly know (knew?) him. Although there wasn’t a lot of time for me to be with him, at least there was enough time for me to know how he looked like, what his job was and his whole name.
I’m thankful that he gave me a pretty pink diamond-studded headband for my 7th birthday- the last birthday I had with him around. At least at that time, I actually felt that I was his little girl and his princess.
I’m thankful that he left me at such an early age, because in doing so he taught me a lesson on heartbreak. He taught me that sometimes people don’t follow through even when they say they will, that sometimes people will leave you hanging even when they say they won’t.
I’m thankful that he gave me the younger sister I’ve always wanted and the older brother I’ve always hoped for. As horrifying as it was to find out about it the way we did, I’m happy the four of us turned out to be closer than other siblings could ever get.
I’m thankful for all the tears and heartache he put me through because all those horrible years have made me the person I am today.
Thanks to him, I am a strong and independent person that won’t let anything get in the way. He has taught me to go on living my life the way I want to. Because of him, I have learned that I don’t need the past to control the way I live. I’m not going to deny that I had a rough childhood because of him, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to let that get in the way of how I want the rest of the story my life to play out.
So, here’s a happy father’s day to my papa. I’m not going to say you’re the best because you’re not and I’m not going to say I love you because I don’t. Maybe I can say that I miss you- but then again maybe it’s because I just miss the thought of actually having a dad around. Although I’m certain that I do want to say thank you for everything.
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And to all my followers, happy fathers’ day to your dads as well! Make sure you make them feel extra special today! :) Actually, not just today, make them feel special and loved every chance you guys get! :)
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