Economics was never my favorite subject. I hardly even understand what we talk about in class, so I resort to spending an hour and a half staring blankly into space or scribbling/doodling (
scriboodling? what) in my notebook.
Sometimes though, you learn that you have to get past the hate when it teaches you something. The same way Math does for some, it gets through to you like a car crash- almost instantly and unexpectedly. You learn something you didn’t expect to learn and in turn, you think that maybe it’s not as bad as you thought it was in the first place.
Our professor started out his lecture talking about people and their expectations from the government. He went on to say that the problem with society is that people always expect, and in turn, they forget that these expectations almost always turn out to be different from what will actually happen. He did have a point. People do tend to forget, as much as they commit the same mistake time and time again, that expectations are completely different from reality.
A saying goes, “Forgive and forget.” This is terribly flawed because one, forgetting is technically defined as putting something out of one’s mind. As much as we want to, we don’t actually forget the hurt we go through. People tend to repress everything they don’t want to remember, so they just put in the box and leave it stored somewhere at the back of their minds. And two, if you really love someone, you do not forget the mistakes you make. Ever. Because in doing so, you avoid the risk of making the same mistake again.
More often than not, we believe in “Forgive and forget,” which is why most of us end up dismayed and disappointed at not having met expectations. Getting hurt makes us want to forget, which is why we repress the memory and keep ourselves from remembering; but getting hurt is not reason enough for us to make the same mistakes. The hurt is a reminder that we are alive and that despite everything that we go through, we are still capable of feeling something.
We tend to forget that expectations unmet could lead to disappointments. We like to think that everything’s going to turn out fine, when in fact there is a 50-50 chance that it will. But then again, maybe there’s nothing wrong with expectations. You could look at it as the dark road leading you down the path of disappointment, resentment, and all those other negative feelings that will leave you in pieces OR you could see it as that tiny glimmer in the dark. Either way, we should all know when enough is enough- which is altogether an entirely different story.
As for my Economics class, I got lost thinking about this whole thing after our professor went on talking about expectations. I didn’t fall in love with Econ after that particular day in class, but I guess it was enough to think about how I should give it a chance. Obviously he was talking about an entirely different thing, but then again, taking something and putting it in a different context does make a difference.
Usually, I know what I want to say and when I want to say it. I’m well aware of the fact that whenever I’m overflowing with feelings, I could write about them as easy as it is to breathe.
Writing to you, though- that’s another story. I choke. I realized this as I started writing to you again after such a long time. For some reason, I can never find the right words to express everything I wish I could tell you.
But then again, maybe words will never be enough. Probably because there are no words that have the ability to carry the emotional weight the same way my heart does.
A crush is called a crush for a reason. It can break you. Most people keep their hopes up, thinking they actually have a shot. They assume that the feeling is mutual and expect that the universe will somehow lead them to the one they long for.
Sometimes, it works out; but oftentimes, people find themselves waiting for something that could never happen.
This is why we lie to ourselves every so often. Everybody saw the signs. Everybody saw it coming. It just so happens that most of us who are unbelievably stubborn still choose the lie because after all, the truth does hurt.